Monday, June 14, 2010

Faith and Anxiety

My mother once told me that even as a baby I was affected by stress.  She recalls at least one time when her and my father got into an argument, I broke out into hives.  After they took me into the doctor, he determined it was most probably stress. 

I'd say most of my childhood was filled with stress and anxiety, though I had no idea what I was feeling  or how to define it.  It wasn't until I was 17 years old that I really understood what anxiety and stress was.  Something happened to me that cause such deep anxiety that I was once rushed to the hospital feeling that my insides were about to explode. In occasions that shortly followed that I experienced severe heartburn, being diagnosed with acid reflux disease, and chest pains that hurt so bad I was certain I was about to die of a heart attack.

As the stressful events in that time in my life subsided so did the symptoms.  As when other major stressful events occurred in my life the symptoms reappear, mainly the heartburn and chest pains. 

When I got married and have had conversations with my husband about my anxiety problems he didn't understand.  Not that he didn't want to understand, but he just didn't relate. In his mind he didn't even really comprehend what anxiety was.  This confused me a little because I also didn't really know how to explain it.  I stole this definition of anxiety from http://www.dictionary.com/



1.distress or uneasiness of mind caused by fear of danger or misfortune: He felt anxiety about the possible loss of his job.

2.earnest but tense desire; eagerness: He had a keen anxiety to succeed in his work.

3.Psychiatry. a state of apprehension and psychic tension occurring in some forms of mental disorder.

In the last couple of years I've been able to sense when there are too many things going on around me or when I need a break because I've been in tune with how my body reacts. Last week I had a small encounter with one of these episodes and it made me reflect on some things. 

I bet it was not even two weeks ago I wrote that post on "The Secret". At the time I was in a state of having a large amount of faith.  I felt peace and hopeful and great.  I felt like I could conquer the world.  This is in contrast to how I have been feeling over the last week.  It's amazing first of all how quickly faith can vanish for me.  Faith is something I have to work at tremendously. 

For some people like my husband for example, I feel like faith is more of a natural attribute or a talent. 

It ties in with my new theory on faith and anxiety.  They are complete opposites. That is why my husband doesn't understand extreme anxiety because he is more inclined to understand extreme faith. 


My conclusion is that when I start feeling the physical symptoms of anxiety it is time for me to seriously concentrate on being faithful, and being inspired, and including in my prayers to help me be faithful and not disbelieving.  So that is my goal for this week, to get back on track with faith....(and to finish operation deep clean :)

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